Hair Here, Hair There, Hair Everywhere.
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So undoubtedly quite a few of you are going to find nothing of importance in this post. That is fine, that is fine. But I was quite humbled (and surprised!) at how many people reached out to me when I first posted about my illness-related hairloss. It's a real problem that a lot of women have to deal with, but so few want to actually admit to having to deal with.
And understandably so- it's the guys that are supposed to lose the hair, not the ladies. Thick, glossy hair is an indicator of all things great and all things good and all things pretty- thick, glossy hair means you're healthy, you're virile, and that you're ripe for some caveman dude to bop you over the head and drag you off to his cave. Thin, falling out hair and bald spots...well, it means you're sick. It means you're not healthy, you're certainly not virile, and you're a lonely little cave girl hanging out with her leeettle brown chihuahua 24/7 because chihuahuas don't notice such things as hairloss. They only notice the food. And they only notice you giving the food to them so they can put it into their little round, squishy bellies.
I have one sitting on me right now waiting for me to accidentally drop the chocolate chip cookie I'm eating into her mouth. She is so transparent.
For me, the hardest part about dealing with Lupus-related hairloss is that it is always there. There are some days where I feel fine, others where I don't feel fine. But it's hard to peek into the mirror and see bald spots all over your head on those days that you are feeling fine. It's a glaring reminder that you're sick, sick, sick. Even on those days where you feel pretty darn good- the bald spots remain, and it's screaming out to the world, "HI I AM SICK WITH A DISEASE I WILL HAVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. LET'S FUCKING PARTY. YAY." I wrestle daily with the vanity of it all- some days I think, "Oh well, just hair." Others I think, "Ack. My hair my hair my hair!" It's a daily battle, but I'm happy to report that I think things are finally getting better.
I started the full Nioxin regimen about eight weeks ago. I went to the handy dandy Nioxin website, filled out a very comprehensive three question quiz, gave them my Astrological sign, and promised them my firstborn. The website then told me to use the Nioxin System in Level 4, so I immediately ran out and bought it. The Nioxin Level 4 System is for noticeably thinning, chemically treated hair. I bought all three products: the cleanser, the scalp therapy, and the scalp treatment. I also bought the Recharging Complex, which are daily vitamins. Go big or go home, I decided. If I'm going to do this, I'M GONNA DO THIS.
Let me be honest- Nioxin is not awesome shampoo or conditioner. I had been a stickler for Pureology for years now, using the Pureology Pure Volume shampoos and conditioners since 2006. I love Purelogy's products because they smell like heaven. You know, if heaven had a smell. Wait! They smell like Petunia after she's been rolling in a flower garden made out of Sweet Tarts and cotton candy and roses. And maybe a little bit of hippy- but clean hippy, not dirty hippy. That's exactly what Pureology smells like.
So it's been a big change to use the Nioxin, which has a funny burnt-plasticky smell to it. Thankfully the smell doesn't linger, so that's a plus. Nioxin is also really hard on my hair, which I had expected (after reading reviews on MUA). I now deep condition my hair (using this Phyto mask) faithfully once a week and I've also increased my usage of hair serums. If I didn't, I'd look like a walking frizzy furball-that-Streak-hacked-up-in-the-hallway. Yuck. There is nothing fun about Nioxin- not the smell, or the lather, or even its packaging.
BUT. But but but. I was blowdrying my hair the other day when I noticed something:
No, not that I have a forehead so big I could give Tyra Banks a serious run for her money. Or that I really should never photograph myself sans make-up (it won't happen again, promise). That's not it, guys. Look closer. I know it's not the best picture (why do I look blonde?) but look closer.
I HAVE HAIR GROWING! HAIR! BABY HAIRS! Squint. Okay, squint harder. I thought it'd be a relatively easy task, photographing the teeny tiny stubs of baby hairs (all of about 1/4" in size) popping up along my hairline. It isn't easy. The camera kept wanting to focus on my freakishly large forehead and not the hair. But squint and you can see- I haz the hair.
I HAVE HAIR GROWING! HAIR! BABY HAIRS! Squint. Okay, squint harder. I thought it'd be a relatively easy task, photographing the teeny tiny stubs of baby hairs (all of about 1/4" in size) popping up along my hairline. It isn't easy. The camera kept wanting to focus on my freakishly large forehead and not the hair. But squint and you can see- I haz the hair.
I ran up to Husband excitedly to show him, whiiiich only elicited a bitter response from him ("Oh look, you can grow hair. How special of you."). I chalked up to the fact that he's losing his hair due to good ol' Male Patterned Baldness and is just jealous and I should probably lock up my Nioxin so he doesn't try to dump it out and sabotage me. Or you know- steal it and use it himself. I AM GROWING HAIR, BITCHES! HAAAAIR!!! BABY HAIRS! HAIR HAIR HAIR!
I've been noticing a lot less hair falling out in the shower, too. No more clumps sliding down my legs in the shower and my co-workers no longer have to lint roll me before my shift at work every day. For the first time in almost two years- I can say that I feel like I'm not going bald faster than McCain lost the last election. Or faster than Lindsey Lohan runs to Twitter when she has a break-up. Or...I'll stop now. Woohoo. Goooo hair.
Is it the Nioxin? Who knows. That's the problem here. Hair loss is tricky, especially illness-related hairloss. No one really knows what causes it (stress? being sick?) and no one really knows what stops it (eating chocolate chip cookies? playing with cute puppies?). Has my body decided that I'm now healthy enough to grow hair? Or is the Nioxin working its magic and bitchslapping my hair back into growing? Hard to say. I'm not exactly scientific in my studies here.
However, I would like to note that the Nioxin is the only thing that I have changed in my routine- I haven't started any other new medications in the past year. I'm still on the same old Plaquenil for TEH LUPUS and anti-depressants for TEH FIBROMYALGIA (and okay anxiety and the fact that I tend to make myself hyperventilate when I'm feeling anxious yay). Nothing else new has been happening here except the Nioxin that I started nearly two months ago.
But as long as this keeps happening, I will keep it up with the Nioxin. I have tiny little hairs, about 1/4 inch in size, sprouting all along my hairline- it's the first time I have seen that in a few years. I still have mostly-full bottles of Pureology sitting on my bathroom shelf that I huff daily in order to get my Pureology fix. Oh Pureology, I miss you so. But this is just how it'll have to be. I hope you understand. It's not me, Pureology- it's you.
(Well, actually it is me and my boneheaded body that really wants me to be bald. Pureology I miiiiiiiiiiiss yoooooou. Cry.)
Now for the rest of you-
Something in this picture doesn't belong. Can you spot it? Hee.
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