Sorry I've been MIA over the past few days. It's been a bumpy ride. The stress from a few weeks ago apparently flung me right into a flare. Shocking.
You see, there are lots of things that can cause Lupus flares- stress, eating alfalfa sprouts (
eh? it's true!), being in the sun, etc. Stress is a biggie, though, and I will admit that I didn't exactly handle the stress over what happened a few weeks ago very well. Finding out a good co-worker's wife is dying? Getting my hours cut at work? Finding out a root canal has gone bad and I'll need it yanked? Yeah.
I didn't handle that so well. I mostly had a Chloe Pity Party, and whenever I throw one of those I kinda sorta forget to breathe properly and make myself hyperventilate from the anxiety. It's some sort of bizarre body reaction I have no real control over, I swear! I just forget to breathe. And then I start clenching my teeth. And crying a lot. And pacing back and forth and talking to myself. No control. I
swear.
I hope I know what you're thinking, and I hope that it's, "Holy cow, if she freaks out over this crap what does she do when her mortgage rates increase?" and answer is, "HAAA I DON'T HAVE A MORTGAGE."
Thank goodness. Right? Right.
So anyway, I am a very poor handler of the stress and it is a big thing I am trying to work on here, because stress makes Teh Lupus even worse.
It was a good joke when I first got diagnosed. I was all, "HUSBAND YOU HAVE TO BUY ME A NEW PUPPY TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER only you'll have to take care of it 'cuz I can't 'cuz it will stress me
out." and then I'd laugh and Husband would smile (painfully). Laugh laugh laugh, I'm funny funny funny. Only now it really isn't very funny, because I am now realizing that it's pretty much impossible to lead a stress-free life, puppies or no puppies. Except I am pretty sure I could lead a stress-free life in Hawaii, surrounded by a gaggle of plumeria and chihuahuas. I told Husband this. He just smiled (painfully).
On one hand I find this all slightly entertaining. Since I'm relatively new to this disease, I find that I pretty much feel
not awesome all the time and I therefore sometimes have a hard time telling a true flare from how I regularly feel. Well, my body isn't fucking around this time- THIS IS A FLARE. I'm in 100% Flare Mode. I realized it after my scalp turned bright red and began to ache and itch like it's sunburnt (argh so painful!), I slept for 28 hours straight, and I almost fell on my ass while I was walking up the stairs because I suddenly have a sharp, stabbing pain searing through the middle of my joint in my left knee. Torn meniscus? Nope, just my good old buddy arthritis. And I now I now am crawling up the stairs on my hands and knees like a gimp. Noted.
This is a flare. The other times where I feel mediocre but can walk up the stairs like a normal human being?
Not a flare. Okie dokie, body. Got it.
I actually got into a fight with a nine-year old tonight at work. A little nine-year old! Man,
and he was little too- he was tiny and scrawny, with a high-pitched nasally nine-year old voice. He was all misbehaving and talking back to me and I said, "Listen here. This is your last warning or I'm kicking you out." and he was all, "Lady, you don't know what I've been through in life." and I wanted to say, "Oh fuck you little dude, you don't know what I've been through in life, I've taken about 16 tablets of aspirin today and I'm pretty sure my fucking liver is going to give the fuck out and I can't walk up the stairs normally without looking like a complete spaz AND I HAVE TO WEAR A HAIR PIECE and MY CO-WORKER'S DYING WIFE CAME IN HERE TODAY TO VISIT so you DON'T FUCKING TELL ME that I don't know. 'CUZ I KNOW." but when it comes to arguing with a mouthy 9-year old from suburbia that thinks he's been somehow dealt a rough hand in life, there is no winning. Okay? If you learn one thing from my blog, please let it be that.
There is no winning here in upper middle class suburbia with kids that have made it to the ripe old age of nine with every single advantage and resource except the one thing money can't buy- actual parental supervision.
And I also hope you've learned that Nanette Lepore is teh awesome. So two things, readers. Two things.
"Where are your parents?" I asked the kid.
"I'm homeless." he said.
"Okay. Where do you live?" I tried again.
"At home," he answered.
"Let me get this straight. You're homeless...but you live at home," I repeated back to him.
"Yeah. I don't have to listen to you. I get bullied. I get bullied, you know, for...for being a Christian. Yeah, for being a Christian. I don't have to listen to you.
This is just how I do it, this is the way I roll.
I don't have to listen to you. This is just how I am. I don't have to listen to
nobody, shiiit. I don't follow nobody's rules!" he chattered, giving me the entire rigmarole that he obviously picked up off a movie or a TV show or a fellow friend or...a movie. Yes, I'm guessing a movie. It's like he was giving me the entire ghetto-tized version of Annie, only we weren't in the ghetto and he didn't have obnoxious red, curly hair. He also didn't sing it to me. If we were and he did, though, I would have applauded and wiped my nose delicately into a tissue. That whole speech right there, that serious and stern delivery of the "
I don't have to listen to nobody, shiiit" line out of his precious 9-year old mouth- just breathtaking. A bit rehearsed, but breathtaking nonetheless.
Jesus.
Christ. I'm totally clenching my teeth again.
So anyway. To make myself feel better over death and gimpyness and getting hours cut at a job where I argue with elementary school kids all day (school is out for the summer, YAY) (THAT YAY IS TOTALLY SARCASTIC) I did some shopping.
I know, I know. You are all stunned by this, right? Right. Both Neiman's and Sak's had their second round of cuts this weekend, which meant sale on Nanette Lepore! Since I am less than thrilled with Nanette's "late summer" arrivals (I know, it hurts for me to admit that. But oh well, I can't love it all- it's the colors mostly, the blacks and turquoises and reds don't work on my complexion which made me briefly contemplate going back blonde but that's sick Chloe,
just sick) I decided to snag a few of her Spring tops on deep discount. First up we have:
Performer Nanette Fabray talks about her work with Sid Caesar on the variety series "Caesar's Hour." She described some of the series most memorable comedy sketches including "Shadow Waltz" and "The Commuters" (a recurring high-strung-husband and his wife sketch). She also discusses her own short-lived series "Yes, Yes Nanette." For all segments visit channel playlists or go to http://tvinterviewsarchive.blogspot.com
i don't know what album this is on. any info would be greatly appreciated.
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